Friendship as a philosophical concept

Friendship is a problematic concept for philosophers because the basic idea in philosophy is that all people should be treated equally and in the same way. However, the core of friendship is precisely the opposite. We treat our friends better than others and make an effort to delight them. In other words, we treat our friends differently and unequally than others. From a philosophical point of view, friendship is immoral, which is an entirely unsustainable premise, because friendship is valuable and necessary to people. Without friendship, life would be empty. 

 

Aleksander Nehamas (2008) is one of the few philosophers who has pondered the nature of friendship. He notes that our characters evolve in interaction with other people. Close friends play a vital role in the development of our character. The most outstanding value of friendship is that it helps us become the people we are. Since our friends have had an enormous impact on what kind of people we have become, it is bizarre how much friendships depend on luck. Two potential friends' paths must meet at some point in time and place in either the real or virtual world. Even then, we cannot wholly choose who our friends are because the friendship is two-way. It is not enough that you like someone; he or she has to like you too. 

 

According to Maija-Riitta Ollila, friendship means a reciprocal relationship between two or more people, in which the parties also recognize the relationship as a friendship. These relationships can take many forms. Some friendships are based mainly on mutual but instrumental benefits (helping others and enjoying the company of another). In this case, friends are valued as enablers of things that are important to us. This type of friendship can occur between co-workers; when we switch jobs, we switch friends. However, when we usually talk about friendship, we mean a more profound relationship than this. True friendship means that we value our friends for their own sake, without conditions or ulterior motives. Close friends form a joint social group with its' own identity. When we talk about this friendship, the word "we" has a special meaning that only opens up to the parties involved. 

 

Maija-Riitta Ollila (2019) thinks that friendship can also be deceptive. This is the case when people have different motives for being friends. It is problematic if one thinks that it is a matter of true friendship and the other is a friend to benefit from it (for example, as having a companion for lack of a better one, as having someone to walk a dog if needed, etc.)

 

Sometimes friendships come to an end. Often the end of a friendship is related to the change in one or another, parting of ways. Alexander Nehamas says the end of a friendship can be very painful. If someone ceases to be my friend, he tells me that I have changed for the worse or have been revealed to be a different kind of person he/she initially thought. So, he/she no longer likes what kind of person I have become. This in itself feels bad, but it feels even worse, that when ending the friendship, he/she signals that he no longer likes what kind of person he has become due to our friendship. Furthermore, he/she did not want what I could offer him/her, and did not really appreciate what I have given to him/her over time. 

 

I wish all my readers a charming Valentine's Day and long and rewarding friendships. 

 

Sources:

 

Edmonds, David & Warburton, Nigel (2008): "Alexander Nehamas on Friendship", Philosophy Bites Podcast by David Edmonds & Nigel Warburton, who interview special quests, 26.10.2008 

 

Ollila, Maija-Riitta (2019): "Ethics of Artificial Intelligence", Otava. 

 

Vernon, Mark (2006): "Philosophy of friendship," Palgrave Macmillian.

ps. Thanks for the picture nenetus at free digital photos.net